Character Breakdown
by patientalien
Summary: 5 Times Thor talks to the Guardians about Loki, and one time he decides to do something about it. SPOILERS FOR ENDGAME


**1- Nebula**

"Why are your hands so sticky?" Nebula demands of her opponent, gritting her teeth in disgust and annoyance. Around her, six sets of eyes watch, waiting for her to strike. For her to lash out. For her to kick over the table her and Drax's elbows are resting on, to declare this game stupid. But she thinks of Stark, thinks of fair play, and lets her breathing even out a little.

Drax looks down at their clasped hands. "The God-man and I were making cookies," he explains, glancing over at Thor, who is in the process of eating one of said cookies.

"Mmmhmm," Thor agrees, agreeably. Nebula isn't entirely sure what to make of Thor; she had heard so many stories about him, had learned so much from the short time she had spent in the company of the Asgardian prisoner who had turned out to be Thor's brother, but the man who has joined their crew is nothing like the stories she has heard. It's probably for the better that way, she thinks. Maybe it's better not to have a legacy to live up to. "I play winner," the god mumbles around a mouthful.

Winner is Nebula, easily, despite Drax's excuse that it was because his hands were sticky. Nebula rolls her eyes and motions for Thor to take Drax's place at the table. Thor maneuvers his bulk into the chair and they clasp hands. His hand is warm, a little slick, but considerably more pleasant to hang onto. "You know," Thor says, "I-I had an angry blue sibling too, once. I mean, I didn't know he was blue. I mean, I did, but not until later. I still - I never did see how - " He trails off and Nebula feels his grip go slack. His eyes dart back and forth and his breathing picks up. "He's dead now," Thor says, swallowing heavily. "He's still…"

Nebula squeezes his hand. "Stop," she orders.

Thor stops. He blinks. He shakes himself. "Anyway," he says, as if he hadn't just been on the verge of another meltdown, "I just - I think the two of you have a lot in common. That's all." He squares his shoulders and tightens his fingers around hers'. "You know you're not going to beat me," he says, making a visible effort to pull himself together. "For I am Thor, and I am might-" His hand hits the table with a _thump._

**2 - Drax**

Drax the Destroyer enjoys having the God of Thunder aboard. At first, it was because he had finally found another warrior to commiserate with - the Guardians may be many things, but true warriors they are not. Perhaps that is unfair, though, now with everything that has happened. Still, Drax likes Thor's company, and the fact Quill looks like he is going to take a gigantic shit every time Thor is in the room is an added bonus, because Drax does find that hilarious.

He's in the cockpit, boots propped up on a control panel, sharpening one of his knives. It is not his favorite knife, but it is one of his favorites, so he is taking care with it, an act of meditation more than anything else. "My brother had a knife like that," Thor tells him. Drax pauses mid-motion as Thor continues. "One time, we were kids, he turned himself into a snake and…" What promises to be an amusing story trails off as Thor's eyes go blank.

"The last time I told that story was right before - we were planning how to save Asgard. My brother - he was supposed to help. We almost - it almost -" Thor stands abruptly and Drax swings his feet to the floor just as Thor's demeanor changes entirely. "I'm gonna go get a drink," he says, a tight smile on his face. Drax does not think the smile is genuine, because Thor's eye is leaking tears.

He does not see the God-man again for three days.

**3 - Groot**

"I feel like I'm going crazy."

"I am Groot."

"We won, we emerged victorious and everything - everything is back to the way it. The way it was."

"I am Groot."

"I'm not crying, you - you are the one who's crying."

"I am Groot."

"It doesn't matter. I should not feel this way anymore. I shouldn't _be_ like this anymore!"

"I am Groot."

"I _know_ all of my friends and family are dead and my home is gone even though I - we were able to undo - undo it all. All except that. I thought I might at least get my brother back, but… I can't and I don't - I guess… that's life, isn't it? it just… it just goes 'round and 'round…"

"I am Groot."

"No, thank you, Tree. I would rather be alone."

**4 - Peter Quill**

It's not that Thor is a bad dude, exactly. It isn't that Quill doesn't like the guy or anything, or feel at least a little bit of sympathy for his situation, but damn does the freaking God of Thunder have to stand so freaking close to him when he's breaking down their plan? "Sooooo what you're saying is we go in, we steal the - the - what is it we're stealing again?" Look at that, all up in Quill's space and not even paying attention. Not that not paying attention sets Thor apart from the rest of the Guardians, of course, but since it's Thor, it's extra annoying somehow.

"The Wand of Watuum, dude, you sleeping with your eyes open again?" Quill sighs and backtracks a little. "Got a tip there's a hefty reward for finding it, so -"

"You will not find it," Thor says, voice like gravel. He's blinking a lot, which Quill has noticed happens whenever Thor is on the verge of a meltdown. He would prefer to avoid one of those today - he doesn't have the energy to dodge an axe. "It - it no longer exists." He clears his throat and manages to continue along his train of thought, which Quill hadn't really expected. "Lo - my brother was - he collected objects. Objects of power from across the galaxy. He - one of the - the Tesseract - " Uh oh, this is opening a can of worms and Quill finds himself putting his hands up, palms out, waiting to see where Thor is going to land, mood-wise. "The Wand would have been destroyed on Asgard along with everything else. There is no reason to seek it out."

"I mean, there's a chance it might still be floating around out there, right?" Quill asks, and immediately regrets it when Thor's eyes flash sparks and electricity crackles up his arms and out the tips of his hair.

He stalks towards Quill, his steps punctuation. "I. Will. Not. Go. Back. There." His fists and jaw are clenched tightly, and he's positively quivering. "Asgard and everything - _everything_ \- everything - " His shoulders hunch, and long, long moments pass where Quill can hardly manage to breathe. "I will not go back," he repeats once he's straightened again, thrusting a finger into Quill's face before whirling around and storming out of the room.

"Welp, he's obviously doing fine," Rocket comments out of what Quill knows is a sense of desire for normalcy. Nobody else says a word.

**5 - Mantis**

Mantis cannot help Thor. She wants to, yearns to, feels terribly guilty that she _can't_, but being near Thor is like being crushed by the weight of every miserable emotion in the entire universe, and it is suffocating. Touching him makes it worse, so Mantis stays away from him. Not cruelly, not because she doesn't _want_ to help, but because she will lose herself too if she pushes too far. There is so much sorrow, and grief, and guilt, and anger, and _everything_ that it's hard to believe it could all be contained in one person, even if that person is a near-immortal god.

The rest of her family is trying to help too, in their own ways. She has noticed Nebula will squeeze Thor's hand if his eyes go far away, and that Rocket makes sure Thor consumes more than junk food and alcohol on a day to day basis, and that Quill, who Mantis knows is still incredibly jealous and threatened by Thor's presence despite also feeling good about no longer being the fattest of the Guardians, makes sure to avoid places they have heard Thor mention in reference to his brother.

Thor misses his brother, desperately. He misses his home planet and his friends. He misses having a path to follow, and he misses having a purpose. He is furious with himself, and with their circumstances. And the despair - oh, the despair is unimaginable. Mantis wishes she could reach out and take the feelings, replace them with something better. But she can't. Or, at least, she thinks she can't.

"You can manipulate emotions," Thor says to her, and she feels choked by the intensity of his hope. "Can you manipulate mine? Can you - can you make me - " He cuts himself off and looks away and Mantis can feel his embarrassment. "Can you make me better?"

Mantis steels herself and takes his hand, stifling the gasp at the weight that settles over her entire psyche. "Not permanently," she says, apologetically. "I can sense your feelings. Your pain. I can change your feelings to something else, but only when I'm touching you, and I…" She hesitates. It's not a workable solution, and she knows that. But she wants to help.

"I - yeah, no, I understand," Thor says, trying to cover up his humiliation and disappointment by raking a hand down his beard. "Sorry. Shouldn't have even asked, forget I said anything." He's doing that quick-talking thing he does when his emotions are clamoring for him to feel anything _but_ the never-ending misery.

"I can help you sleep," she suggests.

Thor looks at her, slumps, nods. "Yeah, that would be nice."

**+1 - Rocket**

"So what was his name?" Thor's in an excellent mood today, better than it's been in weeks. He hasn't zoned out or snapped at anyone or cried even once, which means Rocket is invariably going to fuck it up somehow, which means he's going to fuck it up on his own terms.

"What was whose name?" Thor asks around a mouthful of something Rocket sincerely hopes are not the leftovers he'd put back in the conservation unit because they'd been growing their own nervous system. Knowing Thor, it probably is, and he probably doesn't care. Would probably say it was a delicacy on some hoity-toity Realm planet and that he ate it at breakfast, lunch, and dinner when he'd been a Prince - and then he would cry.

Rocket is _really_ tired of seeing his friend cry. He's tired of watching Thor wander around the ship aimlessly, tired of hosing him off after he pukes all over himself from drinking too much, tired of seeing the guy he'd watch take the entire force of a neutron star on the _hope_ that it might _help_ keep drifting about like he's just waiting to die. And yeah, he's happy _today_, but that sure as hell ain't gonna last long. Somebody has to do this, and it may as well be Rocket. "Your brother," he says. "You talk about him all the time, but I don't think I ever caught a name."

And here it comes, the explosion. Except there is no explosion. Thor looks at him steadily, though his nostrils flare a bit as though he is working extremely hard to contain himself. After a long time, he exhales. "His name was Loki," he says. "He was - he was younger than me, but I'm not sure how much. There's so much I don't - looking back, I wish I had -" There, the floodgates are opened. Good. "I wasn't - in my youth, I was arrogant and reckless…" (Not that much has changed, Rocket thinks), "And I'm afraid I did not give Loki - there was so much I didn't see. So much I _still_ don't understand." Thor is clenching and unclenching his fists in his lap, and he's staring down at them, jaw working. He doesn't look like he's on the verge of a meltdown, exactly. Instead, he looks… thoughtful. "We had just started to make amends. To reconnect. But then - Tha - " His voice shrivels. "_That guy_. _That guy_ took. My brother from me and I couldn't - after we got _everybody else back_, I still couldn't…" He takes a deep breath and lets it out in a whoosh.

"I miss my brother, Rabbit," Thor says, raising his head. For one of the first times since Rocket had retrieved him from New Asgard, his eyes are clear. Focused. "I miss my brother. I think... " Thor pauses, and a smile starts to bloom. "I think I'll bring him back."

Aw, krutak. That doesn't sound good.


End file.
